Being Wise in an Unwise World
There isn't a woman out there that does NOT want to be a wise and wonderful woman; instead willing to settle for ordinary or simply enough, or worse, foolish and substandard. But how can we be "wise and wonderful," everything God desires and created us to be? He graciously provides us with the what and how in His word: Proverbs 31:10-31
Reading this can be rather intimidating. This woman seems to do the impossible and sets an unachievable standard. However, it really isn’t as farfetched or impossible as it sounds. Much simply needs to be put into context of that time and culture. We also need to understand that this is a Mom’s counsel to her someday-to-be-king son on the kind of wife he needed to choose. She set the bar very high for her future daughter-in-law. She wanted a Wise and Wonderful Woman for his son’s wife. An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. (Prov. 31:10NAS) Whether married or not, these characteristics are definitely desirable.
The impossible really is possible! Allow me to let you in on her secret: she keeps her priorities in order! She knows what is most important and figures out how to make it happen. Keeping priorities in order does not necessarily mean the order in which things are done. There are times this means taking care of lesser important things promptly so higher priorities can be given the quality of attention required.
One of the first things we need to notice is that her relationship with God is not mentioned. That is because in the context of Proverbs, a close walk with God is a given. God is not meant to be a priority in our lives. He is meant to be our life! Acts 17:28 states, “For in Him we live and move and have our being.” All our priorities fit within our partnership with Him. Think of it as a shopping cart: your priorities are individually bagged and labeled, however, unless they are placed within the sufficiency of His grace, you cannot carry them all. We cannot even attempt to be a Proverbs 31 woman without Him.
Let’s focus on these “bagged” priorities and the practical application in today’s world.
Priority #1: Her husband.
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life (v 11,12)
The issue of trust cannot be understated. Respect (assigned value) is required. Trust, however, is earned and preserved. A wise and godly wife earns her husband’s total trust in all areas of their marriage. Because of her trustworthiness, she is an asset to him emotionally, spiritually (regardless of whether he is a believer or not), physically, financially, and socially. She adds to what he lacks. Multiplies what he is, has and does. He doesn’t have to bear the consequences of her extravegances or carelessness.
Making him your #1 priority means he matters! A wise and godly wife is consistently good to her husband and for him, regardless of the present situation or demands. All your words, actions and attitudes, convey how important he truly is to you. Its impact on him and his ability to trust you needs to be a filter you process your choices through.
Priority #2: Present needs of family and household.
She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight. (v 13NAS)
This is simply about shopping wisely for family and home. Wool was used for winter; flax was used for summer. She wisely selects appropriate clothing for the weather, as well as for her home so that it is functional and energy efficient.
Don’t miss her enjoyment in being creative. Being creative is one of the wonderful ways we have been made in God’s image. Creativity adds a personal touch that expresses love. It does, however, require extra effort. The point here is being practical, appropriate and creatively involved in making sure the family has what is needed.
Don’t miss her enjoyment in being creative. Being creative is one of the wonderful ways we have been made in God’s image. Creativity adds a personal touch that expresses love. It does, however, require extra effort. The point here is being practical, appropriate and creatively involved in making sure the family has what is needed.
She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. (v 14)
In Biblical times, there wasn’t a local grocery store with aisles and aisles to choose from. The majority of her food came out of her garden. If she wanted or needed anything she could not grow or make, especially imported items such as spices, she literally had to barter home produced items for items she needed. Practically applying this to our lives simply means being willing to do whatever is necessary to add quality and variety to the meals we serve.
She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. (v 15)
Unfortunately, this one is what it sounds like. It is necessary to get up before everyone else. This gives you a chance to commit your day to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and prayerfully organizes your day and that of the household. Since a Mom sets the tone of the home, having a few minutes to yourself in the morning gives you a chance to make any necessary attitude adjustment before any damage can be inflicted.
Don’t be in too big a hurry to skip over the last part of verse 15. In a few words, it makes a powerful point: a godly woman has a servant’s heart. This woman was a woman of some means and had several servants, but instead of laying back and being served, she fed them, delegated their duties and made sure they had everything they needed to do what was expected of them. “He who fails to plan, plans to fail” really applies to housework and the demanding schedule families have these days. If you do not figure out what works for your family, you will end up stressed out and carrying the whole load. The work of the home is a team effort that requires a quarterback. Either extreme of your doing it all or depending on others to do it is detrimental to your family’s well-being.
She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. (v 16)
One of the amazing aspects of this is she did not allow cultural or traditional gender roles to keep her from accessing the family needs and getting in there and do what was necessary. If she determined there was a need that was beyond what she already had, she figured out what was needed to meet it. In this case she determined they needed another field. Finding a good field required a technical knowledge of soil and location, as well as investment knowledge to know if it was a good buy. This “woman of excellence” never let “being a woman” justify ignorance. If she needs to know something to make wise decisions for her family, she makes the effort to learn. Today this may mean becoming computer savvy, get a firm understanding on retirement plans, investment opportunities, etc.. There is no limit on what we can learn if we have a teachable spirit.
A wise woman expands and invests her resources into her family. Sometimes our resources are not financial, but time, skill, gifts and talents. These are to be used for the benefit of the family, not just for our own pleasure.
She sets about her work vigorously; (v 17a)
She is a woman of labor not leisure. Neither are we! She was completely involved in all aspects of her household, not just housework. Her level of effort and enthusiasm is described as “vigorous” – more inspiration, than perspiration. There is a passion in what she does. We do the same when we put our heart into what we do and make what we do an expression of love.
Priority #3: Physical Self
She girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong. (v 17 NAS)
A wise woman makes an effort to take care of herself: increasing and maintaining her physical strength and health with exercise and healthy eating. A family with a sick or dragging mom is definitely hobbled. Doing everything possible to be healthy is one of the greatest gifts you can give your family and your God. It is also a gift we can give ourselves.
This, like any of these priorities, can easily get out of balanced. I personally know how it can take over my life or swings to the other extreme of being totally neglected. Balance is maintained by keeping it within the lordship of Christ.
This, like any of these priorities, can easily get out of balanced. I personally know how it can take over my life or swings to the other extreme of being totally neglected. Balance is maintained by keeping it within the lordship of Christ.
Priority #4: Community
She sees that her trading is profitable, (v 18)
We see words like “profitable” and it is easy to deduce this is referring to what she gets out of it, but actually the flow is outward not inward. She makes sure what she is offering others is the best possible, whether it is a product, service, or simply her time and attention.
By keeping our priorities in order, we are able to give and do our best for the good of others, without sacrificing our families or selves in the process. In God’s wonderful circle of grace, being graciously involved in our community, church, neighborhood and schools will always flow back to bless our families.
Her lamp does not go out at night. (v 18 NAS)
No, this does not mean that she was a superwoman who never went to bed. In Ancient East, a lamp left burning in the home of citizens of means signified their availability – a sign of hospitality and a haven for the distressed. In the dark or a storm, it was a beacon of hope, safety and maybe even salvation. Have you ever heard the phrase “We’ll keep the light on for you”? This is that same sense of welcome and availability.
The lamp also signified prosperity - the means to help the needy. In desperate times it was where they could go and know they would be helped. If others know you are there for them, anytime they need you, then your lamp does not go out either.
In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. (v 19)
This one needs a little explaining. The distaff and spindle were used to spin yarn and weave the heavy-duty, courser, material used for clothing the poor. It assured that what they were given was useful and would sustain them through the difficult time. This took more work than passing on worn “hand-me-downs.” In her reaching out to others less fortunate than herself, a godly woman gives generously and from a standard of quality. Their needs, not her convenience, are prioritized.
She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. (v 20)
This simply means, she responds to calls for help. She offers and seeks out opportunities to serve.
Priority #5: Future needs of family and household
When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. (v21)
In ancient Israel, severe winter storms arrived quickly and unannounced. Being unprepared could be life threatening. A wise woman is prepared for the possible, thus eliminating many unnecessary fears and anxieties. “Scarlet” referred to a material known for its luxurious warmth. Since she knows winter is coming, she plans ahead for her family needs. Proper clothes are in the closet for when they need it. She isn’t caught off guard by suddenly plummeting temperatures only to find last year’s winter coat two sizes too small. Does this mean that never happens? Of course not! However, being prepared for the expected allows us to roll with the unexpected.
Priority #6: Public image
She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. (v 22)
A wise woman takes pride and effort in how she dresses and how her home is furnished, because it reflects on her personally and on her family. She is conscious, but not consumed, with appearance. Lifestyle is a poor substitute for life. A wise woman knows the difference. The important thing here is the order in which this falls in the priority list.
Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. (v 23)
Her home and how she looks and acts directly reflects on her husband. This godly wife’s husband held a place of leadership in his town (remember we are referring to advice being given to the future King of Israel). The point is: wherever the husband works or whatever he does, and whether they are together or apart, she leaves a good impression about him. He should always be proud to be known as your husband!
She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. (v 24)
In this particular example, she had her own position and reputation as a businesswoman. She sold beautifully hand-made linen garments and elaborately embroidered belts. Her merchandise was of such high quality that it was not only sold locally but exported as well. Whether she works full-time, part-time or volunteers, a wise and godly woman offers her very best. What she offers will be desired and appreciated because of its quality. It may only be time, a listening ear, or a helping hand that you have to offer, but it should always your best.
Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future. She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. (v 25,26 NAS)
Her outstanding feature is not her physical appearance, but her character, confidence and positive outlook. A wise woman is not known as a worrier, but one who joyfully looks forward to tomorrow’s challenges. She displays great wisdom in what she says. Her words are characterized by thoughtfulness and kindness.
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. (v 27)
Her life is about more than just her. She is constantly looking out for others, especially her family. This does not mean a wise woman does not take a break or enjoy some time off. Idleness/laziness is a characteristic of apathy and self-absorption. Since a godly woman gives herself to the Lord and pursues her passions accordingly, these characteristics are foreign to her. It is all about priorities. Indulging in self-serving frivolous nothingness is not on the list.
What is the result of having all our priorities in order?
What is the result of having all our priorities in order?
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. (vs 27-29)
Her children think she is the greatest and make sure everyone knows it. Her husband has the highest praise for her and declares publicly “She is the best!” What more could any woman ask for? Any and all sacrifices that result in such an honor are truly worth the effort.
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (v 30)
Even more wonderful then being praised by your husband and children is the result that the Lord praises you!
Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. (v 31)
Finally, she is also respected and praised by others.
God’s heart desire is that each one of us be a wise and wonderful woman of God. Luke 18:27 says, “The things that are impossible with people are possible with God.” The word “with” is para: from, of, by, besides, near. We don’t have it in us. Others don’t have it in them, so we can’t get it from them. Christ has everything we need – the ability, the strength, the resources, and the enabling. A word-for-word translation of Philippians 4:13 is “All doing is by the enabling/empowering of me by Christ.” He makes the impossible possible. We have to partner with His amazing grace.
God’s heart desire is that each one of us be a wise and wonderful woman of God. Luke 18:27 says, “The things that are impossible with people are possible with God.” The word “with” is para: from, of, by, besides, near. We don’t have it in us. Others don’t have it in them, so we can’t get it from them. Christ has everything we need – the ability, the strength, the resources, and the enabling. A word-for-word translation of Philippians 4:13 is “All doing is by the enabling/empowering of me by Christ.” He makes the impossible possible. We have to partner with His amazing grace.
