[Lesson 2 in our series of juggling roles, relationships and responsibilities.]
Can your
remember a time when you were made to wear something you really did NOT want to
wear? For me, it was a bridesmaid dress. Let's face it, we are all pretty strong-willed, determined
dressers. We have our own opinion on
what feels or looks good, and resist with the will of a two year old when it
doesn’t. There may be times and situations where someone makes us wear
something we do not want to wear, but it take some pretty powerful
persuasion. We are exceptionally that
way when it comes to hats. But even more
than a hair-smashing stocking cap, we resist the pride-squishing “hat” of
submission. It is definitely a “hat” we
don’t want to wear.
If “hats” are
roles, responsibilities and relationships, I’m not sure submission is actually
a “hat.” However, without it there is no
way all the “hats” we do have to wear will stay firmly on our head. A better way to describe it is a custom fitted
hat band or chin strap. The other day I
saw a whole group of kids all dutifully wearing bike helmets, but not a single
one had it fastened under their chins.
I’m afraid they demonstrated our own attitude towards submission: not if
I can get away without it.
When we think
of submission, we usually think of being put down, put out, or at least put
last. We mentally fill in being
humiliated, being taken advantage of and giving up any and all control.
Be last.
Be least.
No
say so or opinion
No resistance
And
NEVER say NO.
Now God’s word
is pretty specific about God wanting us to be submissive. The following is a list of some of those to
whom we are to submit.
- Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21
- Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Ephesians 5:22 (Also Colossians 3:18)
- Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. 1 Peter 2:13,14 (Also Romans 13:1)
- Slaves [employees], submit yourselves to your masters [employers] with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. 1 Peter 2:18 (Also Titus 2:9,10)
- You know that the household of Stephanas were the first converts in Achaia, and they have devoted themselves to the service of the saints. I urge you, brothers, to submit to such as these [ministering believers] and to everyone who joins in the work, and labors at it. 1 Corinthians 16:15,16
- Young men (and women), in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." 1 Peter 5:5
- He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey (same word as translated submit) [to] him [their parent] with proper respect. 1 Timothy 3:4
We read in these
verses that we are to submit to others, to those in authority, even to our
husband, and because IT IS in the Bible, with spiritual resolve, we apply our
preconceived definition to our roles, responsibilities and relationships. And it is a constant struggle! It is frustrating. We feel hypocritical. It undermines us spiritually, mentally and emotionally.
Something is obviously wrong: God
and His insistence that we submit OR our definition of it meaning being put
down, put out or put last.
What I have
learned by putting on my helmet of salvation is that the mere idea of God being
wrong can be quickly discarded. When He
asks anything of us, it is absolutely the best thing for us, as well as those
affected by us in anyway. Because He is
good and perfect, what He asks is always good and perfect as well. Submission, then, must be a good and perfect
thing. Obviously the problem is in the
perceived definition of what submission means.
Since we want
a biblical perspective rather than the world’s distorted one, we need to look
at the word translated “submit” or “submission” used by those through whom God
wrote the Bible. The New Testament
writers used the word hupotasso, which literally means “under lay” – to place
under in an orderly fashion. We actually
use that same term to refer to the foam layer placed under carpet. It provides us with an excellent example of
what submission actually means.
Despite the
fact you can’t see it, it is costly (both in expense and effort) and you can
get away with thinner, inferior, less expensive or none at all, there is at
least three good reasons why you should under lay underlay.
- Enhances the quality – both in feel and appearance, even the cheap and inferior carpet is made better.
- Extends the duration – the visible carpet does what it is suppose to at peak performance for a lot longer.
- Enables the carpet to do what it does better – not just look good, but providing extra warmth, cushioning, and reduce walking or standing fatigue.
God tells us
to submit to one another, our husband, governing authorities, our employers, church
leaders, and elders. (Submitting to parents as an adult is the topic of another
study.) I’m not sure they would
appreciate being referred to as “carpet”, but the principles remains. God is asking you to willing do and be
whatever is necessary to:
- Enhance the quality of their lives, their ministry, their role and responsibility. To make them better than they would be without you.
- Extend the duration of their strength, resources and purpose. Not only so they last longer, but accomplish more.
- Enable them to do what God wants them to do more efficiently, more consistently, as well as more specifically.
The concept of
biblical submission is to provide an underlying support that lifts, gives
stability, balance and cushions. It is:
- Being a step stool so he can reach and do the higher things of God.
- Being a substantial support that bears his weight on unleveled ground.
- Being a buffer between him and what he could damage (like a piece of carpet or felt pads between a heavy piece of furniture and a fine wood floor) or what could cause him harm (like a moisture barrier beneath delicate and susceptible wood).
- Being a soft place to land in a hard unforgiving world.
Submission is
not about anything goes – “walk all over me” or “I’ll do anything you
ask.” It is about enhancing, extending
and enabling. It is praying, saying and
doing whatever is necessary, at whatever the cost or sacrifice, to accomplish
one or all of these objectives.
Sometimes it means saying “yes” when we don’t want to. Sometimes it means saying “no” when that is
not what he wants to hear. Not because
you don’t want to, but because it is genuinely not in his best interest. It
means living out godliness with, as 1 Peter 3:4 expresses it, a gentle and
quiet spirit. The Greek word
translated “gentle” means inner strength under control. Quiet is not about not talking, but
“undisturbed by outer pressures and stresses.”
A better word would probably be “tranquil.”
Have you
noticed that the hardest people to submit to are always the one where it is the
most important. Your submitting to governing authorities is basically for your
benefit and, unless you are extremely rebellious, it is not really all that
difficult. The hardest of all is our
husbands, next would be our peers. Submission in these relationships,
especially with regards to your husband, is so important because of the
personal impact on you and your influence on him. In the intimate relationship of marriage, the
godly influence of a submissive wife impacts every aspect of your life, his
life, your children’s and those touched by an ever widening rippling influence. Just think what God can do through you as you
enhance, extend and enable.
However, what
makes it so difficult is the equality level of relationships. And if we are using the wrong definition of
submission, in order to change that equality you have to dig a hole in your
self-worth and lower yourself or exalt them to an idol status. Neither of which
God has in mind when He lovingly asks you to submit. Remember the definition of hupotasso is “to
place under in an orderly fashion.” It
is about order, not power.
Now I want you
to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is
man, and the head of Christ is God. 1 Corinthians 11:3
The word
translated head (kephale) is actually a birthing term, which literally meaning
“the part initially taken hold of.” (I think part of the problem with this
whole issue of submission is we have a breech attitude – come into it feet
first and kicking, rather than head first.)
It is not about authority over, superior rights, or one better than the
other. God, the Father and Jesus Christ
are absolutely equals, but in order to accomplish all that the Father wants,
Jesus submitted to Him. He willingly
enhanced, extended and enabled so that the Father’s loving will for us could be
accomplished. You and your husband are
absolutely equals. See
However, in
order for your husband to accomplish all God wants for and from him/them, the
Lord asks you to submit – enhance, extend and enable. In turn, out of love and respect, your
husband should do the same. Ephesians
5:21 comes before 5:22: “Submit to one
another out of reverence for Christ.”
Headship is not about “unquestioned” authority, but actually the flow of
accountability and responsibilities. The flow is ê
not é:
God, the
Father ê
God, the Son ê
Husbands ê
Wives
ê
Children
Being
submissive is an unconditional command.
It is not about their being “worthy.” There is always justification as
to why not.
- Slaves [employees], submit yourselves to your masters [employers] with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. 1 Peter 2:18
- Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word [some translation: disobedient to the word], they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 1 Peter 3:1
Submission is
not really about them at all, but about the Lord.
- Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21
- Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Ephesians 5:22
It is about
the godly impact and provision made by your being the woman God asks of you. The
focus and motivation in submission has to be:
“All for you, Lord Jesus.”
I love the way
Charles Swindoll expressed this in Strike the Original Match: “If the wife were to ask God, ‘How shall I
show my love to You in the role You have given me to fill? God would answer, ‘My dear child, show it in
the submission you have to your husband.’
If the husband were to ask, ‘Lord, how shall I show my love to You in
the role You’ve given me?’ God would
answer, ‘My son, the love you have for your wife shows Me and this world the
kind of love you have for Me.’”
When His glory
and achieving His divine purpose shapes the attitude of our heart, the other
“hats” He gives us to wear (and juggle) will fit properly and enhance our
God-given beauty. As we said in the
beginning: we really don’t mind hats that make us look good. God says the key is submission.
