Read Matthew 6:1-18
My grandmother was constantly concerned with “What
will the neighbors think?” It seemed to
determine everything! She was consumed with their assumed opinion. Laundry was
hung on the clothesline so that the good clothes was on the outside line, and
the unmentionables dried in the house or on the inside row. You went to church EVERY Sunday morning,
because “What will the neighbors think?” It determined the car they drove, the
color they painted their house, the frequency the yard was mowed, even the
radio station they listened to. The window might be open and “What will the
neighbors think?” She had this image she
wanted them to have of her and there was no wiggle room.
The image my grandmother had was one of a humble,
godly woman/family. It was extremely conservative in my opinion, but fit the
definition of “Christian” she caught,
bought and was taught. For the most part these were good things. Good things can become great things, or they
can easily become things that make God groan. (See Luke 16:15 in The Message)
The deciding axis is: Why does it matter that what others think matters?
I cannot imagine my grandmother doing any of the things Jesus accused
the Pharisees of doing – blowing her own horn, praying in public or making a
big deal about fasting. However, she had
her own extreme version of controlling what was noticed. The problem was and
is, with the Pharisees and many of us, who are just like my grandmother, it
isn’t about God or the neighbors; it is about ME: what they think about
ME! We have this image we want them to
have of us. Everything we do has an
agenda of controlling what others think about ME.
People-pleasing is about the same thing: controlling what others think
about ME. The difference is we don’t
have a defined image, so like chameleons we constantly attempt to adapt to what
we assume they want us to be. The heart
of people pleasing isn’t that they are pleased, but that they are always
pleased with ME. We want them to like
ME. We want them happy with ME. We don’t want them to think badly of ME. When what other thinks matter because it is
about ME, it isn’t pleasing to anyone, especially God. (1 John 2:16 MSG)
Instead what should matter is “Each of us is to please his neighbor for his good, to his
edification. For even Christ did not please Himself.” (Romans 15:2,3) In John 8:29, Jesus said that He always
pleased the Father. That is what needs
to be our ambition as well. (2 Corinthians 5:9)
2 Corinthians 8:21 says,
“For we are taking pains to do what is
right, not only in the eyes of the Lord but also in the eyes of men.”
Taking pains means what they thought mattered.
It is possible to “find
favor and good repute in the sight of God and man.” (Proverbs 3:3,4) It takes incredible
effort and awareness. We have to “be careful to do what is right in the eyes
of everybody.” (Romans 12:17) It requires consistently
choosing glory and grace – what please God and benefits others. (1 Corinthians 10:31-33) We have to keep asking: What will they and the Lord
think?
Making It Personal
Whether or not it should,
what others think matters to us.
- How much does what others think really matter to you?
- How much does it impact the choices you make?
- Why does it matter?
- How does this compare to how much what the Lord thinks matter to you?
In 1 Corinthians 9:19-23, has
a definite chameleon tone about it.
- How was this different from changing so they liked Paul?
- What mattered more than what they thought about him?
- How did this empower his adaptability and influence his choices?
What difference would it make
if the only reason what others thought about you mattered was because it
impacts their opinion of Jesus whom you
profess to love and serve?
Are you consistently pleasing to God
and man?
What needs to change?
