Read 1Samuel 25:1-13
Several years ago, poor choices, immature
behavior, impulsiveness, assumptions, personality conflicts and filtering the
whole mess through “me” resulted in a family pool party turning into a major
blow out. Self-consumed and defensive,
grown men and women, in an otherwise civilized family, pushed and shoved,
screamed and threatened. Ugly doesn’t begin to describe it. It came down to one thing: everyone involved
behaved small.
Some people consistently think small. Others get sucked into it in reaction to a
situation. Even “normally” godly men and women can act small when something is
funneled through a narrow, self-impacting perspective. The scariest part of this behaving small is
that in the moment, a person actually sees him/herself as big, powerful,
important and right; and is clueless to how small he/she is thinking and
behaving. If someone does not step up
and truly be big, it can be life, relationship and/or reputation scarring.
Behaving small is at the core of this part of
David’s story.
David expected Nabal to appreciate the efforts extended on his
behalf. He expected the shepherds to
speak favorably to their master about them.
He expected him to respond positively to his peace blessing. He expected something! Verse 9 tells us that after delivering
David’s message, these young men “waited.” The Hebrew word is nuach - to pause or rest with
confidence. It was a confidence borne
out of expectation.
Expectation is a main trigger of anger. Actually, anger can be defined as “an emotional or
behavioral reaction of displeasure to an unmet expectation, demand or belief.” At
that moment, in that situation, all our expectations seem reasonable and our
anger justified. We might be right. That anger does not become sin until we act
self-centeredly in it. (Ephesians 4:26)
When we act in anger, we will act small!
Managing anger and
guarding against behaving small, begins with evaluating our expectation and assumptions.
These need to be surrendered to the Lordship of Christ. When we sense the anger rising, we need to
stop and assess our perspective and expectations. Why am I reacting so strongly
and negatively to their response? What did I expect? What was my reasoning
behind my expectation? Do they have a different perspective on the situation,
which led to their responding differently then I expected?
Had David stopped
and prayed through this situation before ordering his men to take up arms, he
might have discerned that he was selfishly reacting out of unmet expectation. He
also may have noticed his own inconsistency.
He had sent an unconditional blessing of peace, but now planned on
annihilation. He had given Nabal the option to decide what to give: what was
convenient and he thought appropriate, and now was furious because he chose to
give nothing. Yes, Nabal’s choice was inappropriate, but so was David’s. Both behaved very small!
Making It Personal
Expectations and
assumptions were major players in my family being small. They are also apparent
in both Nabal and David. In situations
that resulted in your behaving small, whether or not others acted small as
well, how was expectations and assumptions involved?
The solution to
situations where someone/anyone/everyone is acting small is someone stepping up
and acting big. Big does NOT mean
louder, stronger or more powerful. Often
it means quite the opposite. What would
have been an appropriate “big” response from David? What would have been or
should be a “big” response from you in your situation?
In the rest of the
story, Abigail’s response stands in blaring contrast to both Nabal and David.
(1 Samuel 25:14-35) She demonstrated
that being big involved: (1) acting promptly, but not impulsively, (2) being
generous, (3) responding graciously, (4) demonstrating genuine humility, (5)
employing wisdom, and (6) having faith-based courage. How can you specifically apply these to your
situation?
You may have
already acted small and bear the consequences.
How can you go forward from here committed to being big?
